Posts Tagged ‘words’

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”-  Liguorian magazine, The Lighter Side column

Fun With Language

Posted: July 19, 2012 in Fun with words
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Let’s redefine some words:

 1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.                           
                                                                           
 2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has   
 gained.                                                                   
                                                                           
 3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.       
                                                                                                                                              
 4. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a 
 nightgown.                                                                

 5. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.                                
                                                                           
 6. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been   
 run over by a steamroller.                                                
                                                                           
 7. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.                          
                                                                           
 8. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.                         
                                                                           
 9. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
                                                                                                                                      
 10. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.                             
                                                                           
 11. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Over the last 3 decades inventors in garages and corporate labs have created a whole slew of gadgets that not only delighted us and occasionally drove us crazy, but also changed who we are and how we relate to each other. In the process of naming these devices they gave birth to new words and phrases.

Ever wonder when these words were born? Here is a list of the most popular ones:

Cellphone – in 1983 Motorola introduced its DynaTAC 8000x, weighing in at 2lbs and costing $4,000!

Laptop – Though hardly considered a device you could place on your lap, the Compaq Portable launched in 1983 was the first portable computer, and weighed in at a hefty 28 lbs. But it set the trend for smaller and smaller machines.

Karaoke – this machine was invented in 1983 and has led to lots of fun, stupidity, and embarrassment.

Caller ID – in 1984 BellSouth introduced this invention and revolutionized the way we respond to telephone calls.

Digital camera – “digital” and “camera” have been around for decades. But in 1986 Kodak married the two into a pricey camera for professional photographers. Eight years later Apple produced the first consumer version and the way we view our world hasn’t been the same since!

PowerPoint – Where would speakers be without this invention that Microsoft unveiled for the PC platform in 1990?

Doppler Radar – in 1990 it became a household word as weather forecasters brought up-to-the-minute images to TV.

Lithium rechargeable battery– Originally making its debut in the Sony camcorder in 1991, this revolutionary battery made possible the powering of all those power hungry devices developed since then.

DirectTV (home satellite TV) – Once dishes were so pricey and large, they’d pull down your house if you mounted one on your roof! Then in 1994 (yes they’ve been around that long!) DirectTV launched its services with smaller versions for restaurants and bars (or your backyard). In time technology made them so small that they now can be mounted outside your window. Today as competition to cable services, they have popped up on rooftops like mushrooms, the 21st century’s version of the antenna.

DVD – in 1995 Americans traded their video cassettes for hours of extended movie watching with behind the scenes specials, outtakes and bloopers included.

GPS – (The Global Positioning System) originally developed in the 1970s by the US department of Defense it took until 1995 for Oldsmobile to introduce the first GPS navigation system available in a car, called GuideStar.

Blackberry – in 1999 an obscure Canadian company, Research in Motion, produced this mobile e-mail device.

TiVo – This gadget is now used as a verb (as in “I’m Tivo-ing Survivor tonight”) and changed TV viewing habits for millions after it was shipped in 1999.

iPod – where would music be without this device. Introduced in 2001 by Apple, it would become the most popular portable music player available.

Phrases made up of regular words can be used to describe something totally different thus becoming a form of secret communication (also known as slang). Teenagers do it, baseball players do it, and of course we know spies do it. But thanks to an article in the November 2010 issue of Readers Digest, we can now decode “Airline Lingo”, phrases pilots use to describe a variety of situations.

Blue juice: The water in the lavatory toilet. “There’s no blue juice in the lav.”

Crotch watch: The required check to make sure all passengers have their seat belts fastened. Also: “groin scan.”

Crumb crunchers: Kids. “We’ve got a lot of crumb crunchers on this flight.”

Gate lice: People who gather around the gate right before boarding so they can be first on the plane. “Oh, the gate lice are thick today.”

George: Autopilot. “I’ll let George take over.” (and you thought only you were crazy enough to give your car’s GPS a name!)

Landing lips: Female passengers put on their “landing lips” when they use their lipstick just before landing.

So the next time you fly, elbow your way through the gate lice, be sure your seat tray is up for the groin scan, escape your crumb cruncher seat mate with a trip to the lav but make sure that there is blue juice in it, then relax and let George take over and before you know it, it will be time to apply your landing lips to meet your honey!

These words come from The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational where readers were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply its new definition. Here are a few that are quite appropriate to our times or hopefully, will get a chuckle:

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Intaxication:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease.

Dopeler effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Beelzebug:  Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor:  The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.